Marriage is Never 50/50

It has been a long few weeks.  I’ve officially crossed the 1 month mark of being sick with various issues (I won’t bore you with the details).  My head is still congested as I drop my husband off at the airport.  A little de ja vu, because I was just here one week ago picking him up from another trip he had taken.   

Two trips in two weeks may not sound so bad.  But it’s the three kids under five and feeling shitty that is making it a bit more challenging.  

He is headed out for five days to a conference where he is launching his new App.  He’s developed software for coffee roasters, an industry he know intimately well because he was a coffee roaster for 8 years.  

That means that the last few months have been crazy as he ramps up the development and business needs to get this beast off the ground.  The trips are really just the cherry on top.

When he arrived back from his last conference one week ago, we both knew the next seven days weren’t going to be pretty.  

He worked, and worked, and worked some more.  Squeezing in the morning walks to school, family dinners and some bedtime stories, the rest was nose to the grind. 

I am trying really hard to be understanding.   

I get it.  His business needs him right now.  It is in its infancy stage and is fairly colicky at the moment. 

He is in launch mode. Crunch time.  

I am trying my best to not be annoyed with him.   To fully support him and take on the extra household duties that I despise.  To give him the space to work more and not feel guilty (I swear, I really am trying).  

This is when I think about advice my mom gave me.

Marriage is never really 50/50.  Oftentimes it is 90/10.  Sometimes you’re the giver and other times you’re the receiver.

I think about this often in my relationship.  It is so easy to focus on what I need and want and not think about where the other person is standing.  

Now that Jon and I have been together 14 years and married for almost 12 (Gasp!), we’ve dealt with lots together; birth of 3 kiddos, chronic illness and death of a my brother in law, owning a business together, moving across country and all the other things that life throws at you.  

There have been numerous times in our relationship that one of us has needed the support, time, space, and love more intensely than the other.  

Owning your own business puts an added dimension on this.  The burden and love of your own business goes so much deeper than a traditional career. Everything is more intense.  

Luckily we are both entrepreneurs so I get his love and passion for this other baby.

But when I’m congested and tired and the kids are running around being little shits it is easy to feel annoyed and frustrated with him. To let my needs and wants rise to the top.  And thoughts about “well if he gets to leave for 5 days, I want to leave for 5 days…”

But then I have to pull my head out of my ass and remind myself, he’s not left me for some tropical vacation.  

He’s building a business that fulfills him and will help support our family.  
He’s following a dream and has worked his ass off to bring it to fruition.  
He’s putting himself out there and is doing something big and bold.  

I am so proud of this guy.  

So right now, his business is getting his 90%

And he is getting my 90%

At some point soon, those numbers will level out.  They always do.  

I’m sure that the time will come where I will be the one needing more.  The best part is I know that he will be there for me and our family when that happens.  

Cuz we’re a team.  And in the end and recieving are both keys to an amazing relationship.     

Cheers,